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Scared Soul

PicsJoin_2017411144147428The thing with scars that can’t be seen is, they are harder to heal. You can’t out a band aid over the cracks, you can’t place a cast over the broken part of your soul. When your mind hurts there’s no pain killers for it, asprin doesn’t reach that far in. You can’t pour rubbing alcohol when your heart stings.

Wounds that can’t be seen are harder to talk about. You can’t point at it like marks in your wrist and say “it hurts here”, when your inner self is mangled and bruised there is no cast for sympathisers to sign and tell you “get well soon”.

How can any Dr prescribe meds for an ailment that you can’t even explain?. the CT scan won’t show how bruised and bent your heart is. There is no MRI on the planet that will show how defeated your mind is, it won’t show the emotional tumors that are eating it away.

I don’t know how people heal. I don’t know how a torn soul can repair itself when it doesn’t have cells.

But, what I do know is. Just because you are bruised and bent, doesn’t mean you are broken. There is hope somewhere, like that one star that still shines through the clouds on a rainy night.

-TheeLadyInk

In Love At 16


*Deep Breath*

I can feel it on the tips of my fingers. I can feel it run through the strands of my hair. I can feel it fill my lungs and choke the air out of me. I can feel it almost kill me. But even when my heartbeat was 95 beats per minutes and my breath was in abrupt short gasps, I couldn’t leave. I stayed, feeling it wash over me. Feeling it take away my soul.  

It almost killed me but I couldn’t leave. I almost died, my life flashed before my eyes, I saw the people I love, I saw the ones I loved and lost, every wound became fresh and I felt a saltiness sting them. Suddenly I was covered in the scars I’d spend hours in the mirror covering.I was vulnerable, I was naked.

I was tossed to and fro like paper in the wind. The ocean almost killed, I was hit by waves that knocked my heart out of my ribs. It’s saltiness filled my mouth, my nose, my lungs. The cold winds catching me by the throat.

It reminded me of the only time I was actually in love. I was knocked off my feet, my heart broken, my body bruised and bent. But my soul, my soul came alive and that’s why I never left. My soul was ablaze and I had to let it burn, let it burn through the scars and let them turn to ash. Being in love almost killed me, but I would give anything to have my soul up in flames again.

Its Been You

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It 1 in the morning and I’m still wide awake wishing for sleep to come in like a lover after a long day, slowly and tenderly, touching the parts of me that need it the most, reaching deep within me and drawing out my breath, kissing away all the stains of the day, caressing even the stiffest muscles making me melt, making me pour myself into it. I’m waiting for sleep to come like a lover after a fight, whisk me away and erase any memory of past pains. I want it to come softly and sweetly, like a summer breeze, making the heat of the day fade away.

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But here I am, tossing and turning like meat on grill trying not to burn. I’m here waiting for you to text me back, waiting for you to ask me “you still awake?” so we can talk about how beautiful the night is, and I can point out how I’d rather stare at you than the sky. How your smile makes me kiss the bottom of the ocean and rise with the tide, I could tell you how your laugh pulls me like the moon pulls the tide and the tide pulls the shore. It’s now 2am and you’re telling me about your day, how long it was, how busy it has been, how tired but restless you are, and all I want is to hold you and make you mine. How I want to watch you sleep and hear your heart beat through my palm. I lay awake, hoping sleep hasn’t become the distance between us, I stare at my phone, holding my breath, waiting to see your name pop up on my screen.

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I was told 3am is for poets, writers, musicians, over thinkers, painters and lovers. That the only people still texting at this time are either heart broken or in love. Well, I’m a poet, a writer, an over thinker, a musician, I’m also in love, but also heart broken. I can’t fall asleep because my mind is writing, my heart is both skipping beats and shattering. Music is closer than the air I can’t even feel myself breathe. My body is bent and out of shape with thoughts of you.

Even though I love you, I can’t love you. Not because I’m not ready but I don’t know how, my heart has been ripped out of my chest, I could taste the blood in my mouth. I have loved far greater than any sin, and my wages have been paid in full because I have died a thousand times and not risen once, I haven’t lived since my first breath. So I will love by not loving. I am poison and everything I touch withers away and dies, I am a plague. I could almost smell the death on you from when you held me. I could taste the dust and ash on your lips. I have aged a decade loving you.

Its 3:14am and you’re still on my mind. Thoughts of you cling to me like cobwebs, sticky and unseen. I have tried to rid myself of you but when I see you, the sky breaks beneath my feet and literally the whole world ceases to exist.

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Then I remember how I watched you fall in love with another, before my very eyes and I couldn’t fight for you. I have swallowed my feelings like a bitter pill. Because I can’t make you love me when you don’t. I have given up this fight.

Getting Out Of My Rut 

So, I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately. I became so bored with life and pretty much everything around me. This was mostly because I’ve had so many projects so far this year and I’ve been writing more than I ever had so, it had put me in a rut.  

As a way of trying to get out of my rut I decided to try out a couple of things, to rediscover my passion or something like that, I tried to take up an instrument but that was to much work so I decided to take up photography. 

The camera is courtesy of #AgrippaCreations Photography.

I’ve had it for about half a week now and im feeling so much better and more lively. 

And here’s some of my work so far. 

This is one of my favorite and the sun was perfect. 

Meet Bella.

Beautiful ripples on a rainy day. The camera on my phone could never take pictures of ripples. So glad I finally have them 

One of my favourite introverts 😍

And this is Bellas’ Owner

And finally meet Louise my huge coffee mug 😍😍😍😍

This has been Ink Photography 📷

#inkphotography #theeladyink #athousandyears 

Hope

Journey To Discovery Step One. 

* take up a new hobby

#TheeLadyInk 

I’m Sorry, I Was Busy! 

I told you i was busy, you thought I was lying, you thought I was trying to avoid you. And worst of all, you thought it’s because I didn’t love you. But I did, with every fibre in my bone. I loved you selfishly and firecely. 

When I told you I was busy, I really was. It may not have been in the conventional sense, but I still was.  I was busy trying to hold it together, trying not to crumble, trying to breathe. Because sometimes, most times, I get so lost in the gloom around me and it engulfs me. Tears fill my eyes like a stream after it rains. And i can’t even move. 

I was busy trying to feed my faith and starve my fears, for I am nothing without my dreams, without the fire in my soul and the spark in my eyes. So I was busy because I was trying to fall asleep before I could fall apart.  I was busy fighting depression for hope, because sometimes, most times, the existence of the former threatens the reality of achieving the lattter. 

#TheealadyInksChallenge4

Breathe For Me //Excerpt 


“But what you don’t know is I’m a prisoner of my own poetry. These words that you read in awe are the shekels and chains that I am bound to. I am captive of unspoken words and unforgotten memories. 

And if you think I’m free, you’ve never had your heart broken and been unable to cry, so you just sit there, feeling every piece of your existence fall apart. 

The frustration of being on fire,  but not burning, of dying with no final death. 

But even with all this madness and pain, I wouldn’t want it any other way.  I wear my scars like makeup. Yes they may not be pretty, but they made me, me. 

And if you didn’t know,  Im Magic “


//Excerpt from “Breathe For Me”

7 Days Of Writing 


This coming week, I’ve decided to give myself a challenge. I’ve been a bit lazy with my writing and trying to discipline myself. For the next 7 days I’ll write 

  • 7 Different Poems
  • 7 Different styles of wirting
  • 7 Different Emotions 
  • 7 Different Muse’s 
  • 7 Versions Of Me

This won’t be easy,  that’s why it’s a challenge, lol.  

Feel free to take part and hashtag #TheeLadyInkChallege and I’ll share it here… 

Happy Writing!!! 


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