Love Knows

you know its love, when you start loving life

Jump Ship

My first love, who was also my only love. 

I loved you, and I mean I loved you. I loved every part of you, even the parts that made me cringe. I loved you when you were at your best and I still loved you even at your very worst. I hate sweat, including my own, but somehow,  even when you were drenched in it, I would still hold on to you and love you some more. 

I learnt that love isn’t easy. There are hard days when no one wants to love but be loved. When we’ve ran out of affection to give. All the highs and lows taught me,  you don’t jump ship when there’s a little water on board. You try to save it. 

Love is like energy, it is neither created nor destroyed.


(//2014journal entry//)

In The End 

​I love myself enough,

not just for the both us,  

But for the past love I was deprived of,

for the past love no one wanted to give me,

for future love that might leave. 

I have learnt to love myself enough 

for all the times no one could love me, 

for all the moments when I realised all I had was myself. 

I’ve learnt to love myself enough to over look my imperfections, 

the things I cannot change, 

I have learnt to love myself during the cold nights when all I can do is cry, 

for the dark days when my body hurts if I move. 

I love myself enough to survive,

 to know what type of love I deserve, 

to know how I should be loved.

I love myself enough to forgive myself, 

to look at myself everyday and love myself even more. 

I love myself enough. 

Because in the end, only I can let myself down, 

and only I can pick myself back up. 

In the end, I love myself enough 


One Night Stands & Drugs

I like you. You creep into my thoughts like an effortless in take of air. You flow through my veins like you are giving me life. Your name runs through my head like a catchy song,that I find myself singing out loud.

A sea of whiskey couldn’t intoxicate me as much as a drop you does. I know, because I’ve tried. I have swam in rivers of vodka to rid my skin of your name but it is etched in my bones. 

I need fire to scorch you from my heart, but I’m ice, and that would end me. I have drowned in endless rhythms that make me wonder what your heart beat would sound like under my palm, or with my ear placed above it.

I have danced with strangers looking for you in them. Hoping one of then would laugh like you, would say my name the way you do. Hoping they would hold my waist like you once did. I have searched for you in one night stands, hoping I’d wake up and not remember your name. That maybe someone would kiss me and draw your name from my lips and toss it to the wind. That my skin wouldn’t crave your touch,  that my mind would long for yours. 

Cocaine is nothing compared to what you do to me. It doesn’t even come close. There is no high better than the one I get from you,becasue when I sniff you,  you smell like Midnight and Stardust. You strum the strings of heart without even knowing it. You draw me in like I’m air, and I’m ceaselessly pulled in. 


Scared Soul

PicsJoin_2017411144147428The thing with scars that can’t be seen is, they are harder to heal. You can’t out a band aid over the cracks, you can’t place a cast over the broken part of your soul. When your mind hurts there’s no pain killers for it, asprin doesn’t reach that far in. You can’t pour rubbing alcohol when your heart stings.

Wounds that can’t be seen are harder to talk about. You can’t point at it like marks in your wrist and say “it hurts here”, when your inner self is mangled and bruised there is no cast for sympathisers to sign and tell you “get well soon”.

How can any Dr prescribe meds for an ailment that you can’t even explain?. the CT scan won’t show how bruised and bent your heart is. There is no MRI on the planet that will show how defeated your mind is, it won’t show the emotional tumors that are eating it away.

I don’t know how people heal. I don’t know how a torn soul can repair itself when it doesn’t have cells.

But, what I do know is. Just because you are bruised and bent, doesn’t mean you are broken. There is hope somewhere, like that one star that still shines through the clouds on a rainy night.


Its Been You


It 1 in the morning and I’m still wide awake wishing for sleep to come in like a lover after a long day, slowly and tenderly, touching the parts of me that need it the most, reaching deep within me and drawing out my breath, kissing away all the stains of the day, caressing even the stiffest muscles making me melt, making me pour myself into it. I’m waiting for sleep to come like a lover after a fight, whisk me away and erase any memory of past pains. I want it to come softly and sweetly, like a summer breeze, making the heat of the day fade away.


But here I am, tossing and turning like meat on grill trying not to burn. I’m here waiting for you to text me back, waiting for you to ask me “you still awake?” so we can talk about how beautiful the night is, and I can point out how I’d rather stare at you than the sky. How your smile makes me kiss the bottom of the ocean and rise with the tide, I could tell you how your laugh pulls me like the moon pulls the tide and the tide pulls the shore. It’s now 2am and you’re telling me about your day, how long it was, how busy it has been, how tired but restless you are, and all I want is to hold you and make you mine. How I want to watch you sleep and hear your heart beat through my palm. I lay awake, hoping sleep hasn’t become the distance between us, I stare at my phone, holding my breath, waiting to see your name pop up on my screen.


I was told 3am is for poets, writers, musicians, over thinkers, painters and lovers. That the only people still texting at this time are either heart broken or in love. Well, I’m a poet, a writer, an over thinker, a musician, I’m also in love, but also heart broken. I can’t fall asleep because my mind is writing, my heart is both skipping beats and shattering. Music is closer than the air I can’t even feel myself breathe. My body is bent and out of shape with thoughts of you.

Even though I love you, I can’t love you. Not because I’m not ready but I don’t know how, my heart has been ripped out of my chest, I could taste the blood in my mouth. I have loved far greater than any sin, and my wages have been paid in full because I have died a thousand times and not risen once, I haven’t lived since my first breath. So I will love by not loving. I am poison and everything I touch withers away and dies, I am a plague. I could almost smell the death on you from when you held me. I could taste the dust and ash on your lips. I have aged a decade loving you.

Its 3:14am and you’re still on my mind. Thoughts of you cling to me like cobwebs, sticky and unseen. I have tried to rid myself of you but when I see you, the sky breaks beneath my feet and literally the whole world ceases to exist.


Then I remember how I watched you fall in love with another, before my very eyes and I couldn’t fight for you. I have swallowed my feelings like a bitter pill. Because I can’t make you love me when you don’t. I have given up this fight.

Breathe For Me //Excerpt 

“But what you don’t know is I’m a prisoner of my own poetry. These words that you read in awe are the shekels and chains that I am bound to. I am captive of unspoken words and unforgotten memories. 

And if you think I’m free, you’ve never had your heart broken and been unable to cry, so you just sit there, feeling every piece of your existence fall apart. 

The frustration of being on fire,  but not burning, of dying with no final death. 

But even with all this madness and pain, I wouldn’t want it any other way.  I wear my scars like makeup. Yes they may not be pretty, but they made me, me. 

And if you didn’t know,  Im Magic “

//Excerpt from “Breathe For Me”

Confessions Of An Insecure Heart

You told me you love me. And I try believe you, I really do. 

You look into my eyes and tell me I look like the rest of your life.  You’re the sweetest. 

But you haven’t seen me naked, you haven’t seen me cry,  you haven’t seen me sad. What happens when you do and you realise it’s too much for you to handle. What if I have curves in all the wrong places?  If I’m not “cute” when I cry?  Because I can be like sand paper when I’m sad. Will you not only tolerate my stretch marks but love and run your fingers over them like a map to our forever. Will you hold me when my tears start to burn my eyes. On mornings when I’m too sad to get out of bed will you bring me honey tea and a book to read?  Will you email me memes and puns during the day because you know they make me laugh? Will you come home with fuzzy socks in the middle of summer just to see my face light up? 
I know you’ll love me at my best,  because I will adorn and ravish you with every ounce of my being, but will you love at my worst?  When I am nothing but harsh winds and hurricanes? 

It is because of all these, that I am afraid of love, it could fade away when I take my dress off in front of you for the first time. Or have a breakdown in your arms. You could leave 



Before You Say “Hi”

​Before you say hi, here’s a few you must know. 

Firstly I love to laugh, what do I find funny?  Puns, I’m geeky that way. 

I love nature and all it has to offer, even the annoying bugs. 

Music is my soul, not just any music though , my ears ache for Mozart’s Symphonies, 90’s music,  Eli Bennet, and of course Adele .

Jazz makes the stars shine brighter and wine taste sweeter. 

I love sweaters, even in summer. But clearly winter is more my weather. 

I’m crazy for old cartoons.  And books, oh,the magic of black on faded white with an earthy smell, I know I’m home. I will always pick a quiet night in, over any party anywhere. 

I want to fall in love with my soul mate and travel the world, taste a nice well aged wine and fancy cheese. 

I want to visit museums across the globe and drool over art. 

I need to attend at least one jazz festival in my lifetime. 

I need to go see the opera before my time on this earth is done. 

Before you say hi,  you need to know, that I’m introvert and I will never apologize for being who I am




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