May 2017

In The End 

I love myself enough,

not just for the both us,

But for the past love I was deprived of,

for the past love no one wanted to give me,

for future love that might leave.

I have learnt to love myself enough

for all the times no one could love me,

for all the moments when I realised all I had was myself.

I’ve learnt to love myself enough to over look my imperfections,

the things I cannot change,

I have learnt to love myself during the cold nights when all I can do is cry,

for the dark days when my body hurts if I move.

I love myself enough to survive,

to know what type of love I deserve,

to know how I should be loved.

I love myself enough to forgive myself,

to look at myself everyday and love myself even more.

I love myself enough.

Because in the end, only I can let myself down,

and only I can pick myself back up.

In the end, I love myself enough



She’s For The Readers. 

Here’s the truth, the untainted, unaltered truth about her. She will never show you her scars from where the world hurt her, she won’t tell you about how angry she is. Life taught her, a long time ago,  to swallow her feelings like a bitter pill. 

She’s learnt to blend in with the living, even when she’s dying on the inside. You won’t see the tears in her when she is about to break down, because she’ll laugh, and you’ll think they are tears of joy, but she doesn’t have those. There has always been a sting of pain behind each tear. You’ll have to read her to know, did she touch her ear when she said ” I’m fine”? It means she’s not. Did she cough and rub her eyes then say ” I’m just tired”? She’s not tired, she’s sad and you should probably hug her. 

It’s not because she’s stubborn. She’s been burnt one to many times,  she’s lost her sense of wonder and trust along the way. 

She won’t show you her tears. Instead, she’ll flash you her brightest smile, her tears will twinkle so bright, you won’t even notice them. 

M.S, Have Me, Or Leave Me

I need time away. 
This time,  not from the world 

But from you. 

Just you. 

I need to breath air, that doesn’t taste

Like you. 

I need see trees that remind me of


I need to listen to music

And not hear your voice. 

I need to open my phone

And be happy any other name

But yours. 

If you won’t have me

Then free me. 

Let me know that I can spread my wings 

That I can roam. 

I can’t flap my wings

I might hurt you. 

You might get cold. 


One Night Stands & Drugs

I like you. You creep into my thoughts like an effortless in take of air. You flow through my veins like you are giving me life. Your name runs through my head like a catchy song,that I find myself singing out loud.

A sea of whiskey couldn’t intoxicate me as much as a drop you does. I know, because I’ve tried. I have swam in rivers of vodka to rid my skin of your name but it is etched in my bones. 

I need fire to scorch you from my heart, but I’m ice, and that would end me. I have drowned in endless rhythms that make me wonder what your heart beat would sound like under my palm, or with my ear placed above it.

I have danced with strangers looking for you in them. Hoping one of then would laugh like you, would say my name the way you do. Hoping they would hold my waist like you once did. I have searched for you in one night stands, hoping I’d wake up and not remember your name. That maybe someone would kiss me and draw your name from my lips and toss it to the wind. That my skin wouldn’t crave your touch,  that my mind would long for yours. 

Cocaine is nothing compared to what you do to me. It doesn’t even come close. There is no high better than the one I get from you,becasue when I sniff you,  you smell like Midnight and Stardust. You strum the strings of heart without even knowing it. You draw me in like I’m air, and I’m ceaselessly pulled in. 


Midnight and Stardust 

I don’t know how to not love you. 

You have been my definition of love, you were everything I needed love to be. Our love was always meant to be, from the very beginning. It wasn’t love at first sight, but that our love was inevitable -KoiNoYokan-

I met you and my life up until that moment faded away. My scars healed, my wounds didn’t ache anymore. Everything I had ever been through prepared me for this moment. When I would look into your eyes and realize their shade of brown is all I ever wanted. In that moment, i saw the galaxy unfold before me. I saw beauty in humanity. You, were not only my first love, but my redemption. For in your love I found love. 

I found a home in your smile, the way you said my name, like a whisper to the stars as it kissed your lips. You saw my imperfections and still chose me, no one else ever did. I was broken and mangled, but you showed me that broken crayons still color. You saw my tears and stretch marks and still told me I’m beautiful. I showed you my monsters and demons and you kissed me like my lips were air and you couldn’t breathe. 

You looked at me with love when I refused to believe you loved me. You stayed when I pushed you away. You fought for me on days when I had given up. On days when we fought you’d never let me walk away mad, even when I hurt you,you told me I’m the only one that could heal you.

You loved me like each moment was our last. Each day you looked at me like I was a walking melody. 

Yes there where times you made my heart bleed, I made yours ache. But we always found a way. When storms came we anchored to each other. We danced in the rain and let the stars watch us fall in love everyday.

Our first kiss, you held me so close I couldn’t tell where I ended and you began. That was the first time I ever kissed someone and tasted the moon-Until I kissed him and he smelt of midnight and stardust-but somehow you’re still in the way. I don’t know how to not love you. I have loved you for half a decade, I had given you my all.

 I will have to break my heart to let you out. I will have to rip apart everything I know, tear down my walls. I have always been afraid to stop loving you because I don’t know if anyone else ever will. If I’ll ever be enough, if I won’t be “too”much. So I cover up my skin, I hide my tears, because what happens if I show him my colors and they aren’t his shade. Or if my skin isn’t thick enough cause I bleed to easily. I don’t know how to not love you, because I don’t know if I’ll be loved again. 


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