April 2017

Scared Soul

PicsJoin_2017411144147428The thing with scars that can’t be seen is, they are harder to heal. You can’t out a band aid over the cracks, you can’t place a cast over the broken part of your soul. When your mind hurts there’s no pain killers for it, asprin doesn’t reach that far in. You can’t pour rubbing alcohol when your heart stings.

Wounds that can’t be seen are harder to talk about. You can’t point at it like marks in your wrist and say “it hurts here”, when your inner self is mangled and bruised there is no cast for sympathisers to sign and tell you “get well soon”.

How can any Dr prescribe meds for an ailment that you can’t even explain?. the CT scan won’t show how bruised and bent your heart is. There is no MRI on the planet that will show how defeated your mind is, it won’t show the emotional tumors that are eating it away.

I don’t know how people heal. I don’t know how a torn soul can repair itself when it doesn’t have cells.

But, what I do know is. Just because you are bruised and bent, doesn’t mean you are broken. There is hope somewhere, like that one star that still shines through the clouds on a rainy night.



In Love At 16

*Deep Breath*

I can feel it on the tips of my fingers. I can feel it run through the strands of my hair. I can feel it fill my lungs and choke the air out of me. I can feel it almost kill me. But even when my heartbeat was 95 beats per minutes and my breath was in abrupt short gasps, I couldn’t leave. I stayed, feeling it wash over me. Feeling it take away my soul.  

It almost killed me but I couldn’t leave. I almost died, my life flashed before my eyes, I saw the people I love, I saw the ones I loved and lost, every wound became fresh and I felt a saltiness sting them. Suddenly I was covered in the scars I’d spend hours in the mirror covering.I was vulnerable, I was naked.

I was tossed to and fro like paper in the wind. The ocean almost killed, I was hit by waves that knocked my heart out of my ribs. It’s saltiness filled my mouth, my nose, my lungs. The cold winds catching me by the throat.

It reminded me of the only time I was actually in love. I was knocked off my feet, my heart broken, my body bruised and bent. But my soul, my soul came alive and that’s why I never left. My soul was ablaze and I had to let it burn, let it burn through the scars and let them turn to ash. Being in love almost killed me, but I would give anything to have my soul up in flames again.

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