My greatest fear isn’t living an incomplete life, it’s not waking up and finding all my loved ones gone. Its not ultimate failure either. Its not promising forever and always, only to out own infinity.

My greatest fear is one day losing the version of me that loves you and never finding it, because there may come a day when you will not recognise me, you will look for in the depth of my own heart, in the expanse of my eyes and you will not find me. That is my greatest fear.

I know you think you’ll get through to me, but will you love me  when I wake up a hurricane, and I cannot be tamed, will you love me when I am a desert storm? When I am nothing but harsh winds and sand?

Will you love me when I refuse to love myself ?

I cannot trust myself to let you love me, you might cut yourself trying to arrange my 39 pieces. Because 1 day I could wake up and there could be 2 of me, and you know what they say 3’s a crowd, but because you love me you’ll try to bring in a 4rth but allow me to plead the 5th. This is our 6th trial of 7 judges. And I’m sorry, what you though was an infinity was just an 8 the fell over, our love lived it’s 9th life but you have to understand, this was never my in10tion.

There are fates far worse than death and this is one of them.

And sometimes I can feel the spaces between my bones vibrate, it’s like my body is breathing while I drown in the depth of emotion. Just because you’re able to find a pulse doesn’t mean there’s a soul.



But there is.


Yours Sincerely,

Lady P



//excerpt from the book I’ll never write, 39 pieces//