*sorry for the infrequent posting, I’ll be posting weekly on Monday at 7:30 pm CAT*

I want to place your head against my chest so you can feel my heart beat, beat the song of a million pieces, maybe then you’ll hear the words to the song I can’t sing, maybe then you’ll be able to hear the subtext of my lyrics.

If I placed your head against my chest, then you’d hear how slow my heart beats, how faint the flow of blood is, how withering my life is.
Because I could never explain myself, explain the sketched scars on my wrist or the sore bags under my eyes, I could never explain the distant look in my eyes when you speak.

I’m a soaked booked whose pages can’t be opened. Whose words have been n blurred and smeared by the salty sea that flows from the windows of my soul.

I could never explain the tears that feel my heart in the middle of the night, or the pain the strikes my soul at noon. I could never explain the nightmare that taunt me at night or the ghost that haunt me during me the day.

I wish I could, I wish I could live like the fair tales, where monsters only lived under beds, only came out to taunt you in the dark. But the monsters I know lurk during the day, the pounce on their pry at day break and sit satisfied at sun set. I was a victim of sheep sheep come home, only to find the slain beast awaken and hungry.

I could never explain having my fruit plucked before it ropes and the seed dry out before it could bloom. I Couldn’t even begin to explain. How I count the stars with my tears before I sleep. How clutch myself in bed so I don’t fall apart. I have known loss like the edges of a knife. But those are stories you’ll hear about in my obituary.

Because I could never explain why my back resembles a map of rivers, or why I shy away when you touch me. Life’s been a battlefield. And each day I’ve watched parts of me die at war. So understand I’m like a veteran and recalling the memories?

Reminiscing on what happened, is like turning the dagger that’s already stuck in my chest. So maybe just maybe, if I placed your head against my chest. You’d understand why I can’t explain myse
lf.

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